He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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