I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
