just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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