if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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