she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
