your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm getting married
To pizza
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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