Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
