My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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