His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
