"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
