worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
