i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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