you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize