what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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