3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
