According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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