Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
