Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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