Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sext me about skeletons
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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