Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
