he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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