Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
