I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dignity is for republicans.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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