The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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