Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
