Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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