I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
