woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
