I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
