it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
