I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
