i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i came on her dog
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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