Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
