Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
