Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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