There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
