She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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