I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
