Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
