Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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