I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, beer. Big fan.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
