you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
