The best revenge is premature balding
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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