apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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