Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
