I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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