It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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