I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
