This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
