So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I pour the whiskey from now on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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