Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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