You're my little dorito
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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