I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
