then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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