Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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