hell yes lets make some ravioli
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
