who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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