Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
