I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
