I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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