Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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