He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
