It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
