Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
