Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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