I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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