Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
