so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We have started to decorate penises.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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