We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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