Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
