my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
