A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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