i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we should paint friendship bongs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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