she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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