I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
