your parents love me but you hate me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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