the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
