I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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